Four Times Merlin Ruined Sex (And One Time Arthur Did)
by Polomonkey
Summary: Arthur and Merlin are sex buddies. Sometimes it doesn't go so well.


Disclaimer: Don't own Merlin.

Warnings: Smut, language, awkwardness

A/N: Just a silly little fic inspired by a post on tumblr that pointed out that sex is far too perfect in most fanfics :) Hope you enjoy it!

~III~

The first time Merlin ruins sex is incidentally the first time they ever hook up.

Arthur hadn't initially been sure about the indie kid with the scruffy hair who knocked on his dorm room the first day of term asking to borrow milk for a cuppa. He'd only grown more sceptical when the guy invited himself in to drink said tea and had wrinkled his nose at the football posters on Arthur's walls.

"What are you like, a total sport nut?"

"Yes," Arthur had said testily, taking in the boy's skinny frame. "I can tell you don't play much."

It was rude, even by his standards, but the guy just laughed.

"I find there's more fun ways to get some exercise," he said and Arthur found himself blushing at the glint in his eye.

Over the next few months they'd danced around each other; becoming closer as friends even as the obvious attraction between them grew too big to ignore. They had hardly anything in common. Arthur was studying Economics while Merlin took Philosophy, Arthur loved sports and films while Merlin loved music and literature, Arthur liked going to the pub for a pint and Merlin liked going to dive bars and drinking tequila. But somehow, it worked between them.

Then one night Merlin comes home from the Student Union bar with some pretty boy in a vintage band t-shirt, right when Arthur happens to be coming back from brushing his teeth.

Pretty Boy is clinging onto Merlin as he unlocks his door and shoves him inside and Arthur is shocked by the hot surge of jealousy rising up inside him. Before he even knows what he's doing, he's crossing the hall to bang on Merlin's door.

Merlin doesn't answer for a good ten seconds, which gives Arthur plenty of time to envision what Merlin and that guy might be doing that makes him too busy to answer the door.

Arthur's practically seething by the time Merlin appears, even as he tells himself that he technically has no right to be. It's not like him and Merlin are boyfriends. And it's not like he even wants them to be. It's just…

Merlin's face lights up when he sees Arthur and he steps forward a little, blocking the view of the bedroom behind him.

Arthur clenches his jaw.

"Good night?" he says tightly.

"Yeah, actually. DJ wasn't playing the usual wank and some decent people were actually around. You should have come."

"Looks like you found some better company than me," Arthur says pointedly.

"Oh, you mean Lance?" Merlin says, gesturing inside. "Yeah, I figured he earned himself a bed for the night."

"Did he now?" Arthur says. Jesus Christ, what exactly had this guy done to 'earn' himself a bed? Blown Merlin in the union toilets? And what sort of STUPID name was Lance anyway?

"Well I should leave you two to it," Arthur says coldly.

"No, let's have a drink in your room since you're still up," Merlin says, oblivious to Arthur's tone.

Arthur raises his eyebrows.

"Don't you need to stay with _Lance_?"

"Nah, he's crashed," Merlin says, leaning forward to reveal Lance tucked up in his bed. "I'll sort him out later."

"Oh will you?" Arthur spits, unreasonably furious. "Well sorry if I don't fancy occupying your time till your mate's sober enough get it up again."

There's a slight pause in which Arthur regrets every single moment in his life that's led him to be in the exact point in space and time, then Merlin bursts out laughing.

"You think I… you think me and… oh Jesus."

Merlin can draw a breath to finish his sentence and Arthur feels his lips thinning out until they're almost invisible. He may be a jealous prick but he doesn't deserve to be laughed at.

Luckily Merlin calms down before Arthur turns on his heel and leaves.

"Arthur, do you remember why I went out tonight?"

Something about a friend and a celebration, he thinks. Who cares?

"Close friend getting engaged to another close friend. Ring any bells?"

"So?" Arthur says sulkily.

"So why are you getting jealous over my very engaged and very straight friend Lance passing out drunk in my room?"

Shit.

"I wasn't… jealous," he says lamely. He's suddenly very aware that he's clutching a toothbrush in his hand.

Merlin fixes him with a long stare, then he pulls his bedroom door shut behind him.

"Let's go have that drink in your room," he says silkily.

"I don't have any alcohol," Arthur manages to say.

"I don't want any," Merlin replies.

And then they're in Arthur's room, tugging at each other's clothes, and Arthur scrambles to turn the lamp on so he can finally see what Merlin looks like under those ridiculously tight skinny jeans.

Gorgeous, as it happens, all long limbs and pale skin, dusky pink nipples and a long slim cock that has Arthur practically salivating. He nearly trips over in an attempt to rip off his own jeans and t-shirt, and Merlin's lying back on Arthur's bed when he finally pulls his underwear off.

Merlin smiles, easy and predatory, then he beckons and Arthur walks over as if in a trance. Merlin pulls him down onto the bed and captures his mouth in a mind blowing kiss.

"I've been wanting to do that since the first day I knocked on your door," he says and Arthur takes a moment to curse himself for the three months of sex they could have been having if he'd realised that then.

Merlin must read his mind because he climbs on top of Arthur and grinds their hips together.

"We'll just have to make up for lost time," he drawls and slips his hand down to palm at Arthur's cock.

Arthur's had sex a few times before, once with a one night stand and a handful of times with his old friend Gwaine, but it's never felt quite as intense as this. He's heady with Merlin's scent; the sweat from dancing in the union, the sharp citrus tang of his aftershave. He wants to make this perfect, make their first time so good Merlin will have no choice but to keep coming back for more.

He bucks his hips up against Merlin and is satisfied to hear a groan of arousal.

"Want you inside me Arthur," Merlin moans out and Arthur needs no further encouragement, scrabbling at the drawer next to his bed until he pulls out lube and a condom.

"Wait, first I want to-"

Merlin never finishes that sentence, instead shimmying back on the bed and dipping his head to swallow Arthur's cock down. It's all Arthur can do not to come straight off. He and Gwaine had a lot of fun together, but Merlin's on another level, Arthur's never been this hard in his life. He clenches his fists in an attempt to regain control; there's no way he's coming before he's gotten inside Merlin.

It's at this point that things go wrong. Arthur starts to sit up, to tell Merlin that he doesn't need any more help; he's ready to fuck right now. At the exact same moment, Merlin releases Arthur's cock with a soft pop and whips his head up in triumph.

Head-butting Arthur in the face.

"Shit!" Arthur curses, stars exploding behind his eyes, and not in a good way.

"Oh fuck, I'm so sorry!" Merlin says at the same time.

Arthur waits for his vision to clear and becomes grimly aware that something warm and wet is dripping down his face.

"Oh God, you're bleeding," Merlin says unnecessarily, jumping off the bed to grab the box of tissues on Arthur's desk. He starts to dab at Arthur's face, worry creasing his features. Arthur takes a moment to marvel how Merlin can transform from sex kitten to nervous woodland creature in about two seconds, and then refocuses on the blinding pain in his nose.

"I'm really sorry!" Merlin wails when the bleeding eventually seems to have stopped. Arthur finds it's really very difficult to stay mad when Merlin's looking at him from under his eyelashes like a guilty puppy.

"It's fine," he says dryly. "At least we'll never forget our first time together."

Merlin cracks a smile.

"Dear Diary," he says. "Today I kissed Arthur and then nearly broke his nose."

"I don't know what I expected from someone who can barely walk along the hall without tripping over his feet," Arthur says loftily and Merlin pokes him in the ribs.

"Shut up," he says. "Lie down with me."

"What makes you think you're sleeping in my bed?" Arthur says as he lies back on the pillow.

"'Cause otherwise I'll have to go climb in with Lance and who knows what might happen?" Merlin says wickedly.

"I better keep you here for Lance's sake then. I don't want you to accidentally give him a black eye, poor boy."

Merlin scoffs but he arranges himself next to Arthur in bed all the same, curling into his side.

"Do I get a second chance, then?" he says as Arthur's almost drifting off.

"I'll think about it," Arthur says, a smile tugging at his lips.

The second chance happens to come approximately six hours later when Arthur wakes up with Merlin's morning erection pressing into his leg and decides not to let it go to waste.

He makes sure Merlin's flailing limbs stay far away from his nose, however.

~III~

The second time is also completely Merlin's fault. He tries later to claim that Arthur shouldn't have interrupted him while he was studying; that maybe he'd have switched the computer off if Arthur hadn't been so insistent that Merlin join him on the bed right this instant.

But Arthur is so up for it in that moment, unable to think of anything else. He's just come back from a football game with their local university rivals. It was supposed to be a friendly but the mood had been anything but; both teams knew it was a grudge match through and through. Play had been downright dirty – dodgy passes and illegal tackles all over the place. The score was tied for most of the game, until Arthur managed to dodge past three defenders and heft the ball in for a perfect last minute goal.

He's all fired up from the win, infected with the hysterical celebrating of his team mates and all he wants to do is burn off the leftover adrenaline with Merlin. They've settled into quite the routine since that first night together; almost every evening one finds themselves in the other's room, doing things that make the unlucky person next door bang on the wall in irritation. It's not like they're dating or anything, it's strictly a fuck buddy situation, but it suits Arthur very well indeed, and he's pretty sure Merlin feels the same way. So he feels no qualms about bouncing in Merlin's room on a Sunday afternoon and dragging him over to the bed.

"You're all sweaty and gross," Merlin complains, trying to sound irritated, but Arthur knows for a fact that his filthy post-game state turns Merlin on for some reason. Merlin once drunkenly confessed it was due to an unfulfilled jock fantasy he'd nurtured in high school when Arthur asked why usual clean freak Merlin didn't even insist he wipe the mud off his legs before getting into bed with him.

"You love it," Arthur says, nuzzling his face into Merlin's neck and Merlin betrays the truth of that statement with a whimper, pulling Arthur to him.

Arthur's slightly rough with need and want, fisting Merlin's cock with little to no finesse. He bites at Merlin's ear, nipping at the soft flesh until Merlin's panting beneath him. Merlin's ITunes is playing in the background, something loud and pulsing, heavy on the bass, an eminently appropriate soundtrack to Arthur's harsh rutting. Merlin reaches for Arthur's cock and begins tugging on it jaggedly. Arthur grunts, lost in pleasure as the song changes to something he doesn't recognise. He mouths at Merlin's neck, letting his teeth scrape along the soft skin, and grins when he's sees that Merlin's actually shaking with arousal. Proper, full body shakes. It's actually a bit like he's convulsing. And he's making a funny noise, too, almost like he's crying?

Arthur instantly panics. Has he been too rough? Is Merlin not enjoying it after all? He quickly rises to his elbows, turning Merlin's face towards him so he can see…

Merlin's laughing his ass off. Tears are literally streaming down his face as he snorts with glee.

"What the hell?" Arthur says and Merlin struggles to speak through his mirth.

"…the song…" he eventually gasps out and Arthur frowns. He's pretty much tuned the music out but he turns his head to listen. And hears a man loudly proclaiming how he's jizzed in his pants.

"What the hell?" he says again because what kind of song is this for Merlin to have in his ITunes?

"It's a comedy song," Merlin says, still shaking with hilarity. "I'm so sorry, it's on shuffle…"

And then he's off again, breaking into peals of laughter as the voice declares 'I wear a rubber at all times, it's a necessity.'

Arthur stalks across the room to hit the pause button but the damage is already done. When he tries to pick up where they left off, Merlin is unable to go ten seconds without creasing up in a fit of giggles again.

Arthur eventually storms off in an (entirely justified) huff. Merlin comes by an hour later with a burned copy of The Lonely Island album, and gives him an apology hand-job. Listening to it later that night Arthur admits it's pretty funny, but from then on he makes sure Merlin's laptop is firmly shut before he starts anything.

~III~

The third time is maybe Arthur's fault as well as Merlin's. Just a little, tiny bit.

But Merlin had started it. Had stormed into Arthur's dorm room, bristling with rage as he recounted his run in with an arsehole professor and an essay he has no idea how to write.

"I'm gonna be up all night with it! And even if it's amazing, he's gonna mark it down anyway, because he's a prick, and then my whole mark for the year's gonna suffer and-"

"Merlin, Merlin, stop. Do you want me to help you with the essay?"

Arthur's not sure exactly why he offers, as what he knows about Philosophy could fit in an egg cup, but he senses it's the caring thing to do.

No, not caring. That's a boyfriend word and Merlin is decidedly not his boyfriend. Arthur just wants Merlin to shut up, that's why he offered to help, that's all.

"I don't want help," Merlin says. "I want stress relief."

"How can I-"

"I want you to fuck me so hard I forget my own name," Merlin growls and every part of Arthur's body springs to attention.

"Can do," he manages to get out, hoping he sounds even a little smooth, but Merlin doesn't seem to care because he's straight on him, making short work of both of their trousers and pants before shoving him onto the bed.

Arthur reaches out for the lube, sensing that foreplay is the last thing on Merlin's mind right now, but Merlin gets there first, squirting some onto his fingers.

"You want me to-"

"Nope," Merlin grits out, already leaning down to spread himself, shoving two fingers straight inside like it's no big deal.

Good God, Merlin's hot like this. All pissed off and needy, wanting a good fucking to set the world to rights. Arthur strokes his cock as he watches Merlin stretch himself out, his lover panting with exertion.

In much less time than they usually take, Merlin withdraws his fingers and is shoving a condom at Arthur. Arthur decides to put it on himself, in this mood Merlin would probably end up tearing it apart.

"How do you want to-"

"I'll ride you," Merlin says breathlessly and Arthur's barely lubed up when Merlin lowers himself on to his cock and they both groan loudly.

Merlin sets a quick, rough pace, fucking himself up and down like Arthur's just some kind of human dildo left out for his pleasure. He evens bats Arthur's hands away from his hips, so Arthur snakes them round the headboard instead. He thinks he should be offended at being used like this but instead he's unbelievably turned on; like having to resort to listing Arsenal players in his head levels of aroused. He doesn't think Merlin will be too impressed if Arthur shoots his load after barely thirty seconds.

It's amazing and breath-taking and Arthur's in such a haze that he can barely account for what happens next but it goes something like this. Merlin comes down particularly hard and tips himself slightly off balance on his way up, at the exact same moment Arthur lets go of the headboard to try and readjust his position slightly.

As a consequence, the momentum pushes Arthur almost onto his side. And Merlin…

Well, Merlin falls off the bed.

There's an immediate shriek of pain followed by a long silence in which Arthur plucks up the courage to peek over the side of the bed. In Merlin's current mood, he's vaguely concerned Merlin might stab him with a pencil or something.

"Merlin?" he says tentatively.

"Ow," the reply comes. "Like, really ow."

Arthur hops off the bed and picks Merlin up off the floor.

"Did you hurt yourself?"

"No, but I'm guessing I'm gonna have a giant bruise on my arse in a few hours."

"I'll kiss it better," Arthur says, slightly relieved that Merlin's not throwing things at him.

"So much for stress relief," Merlin says wistfully and Arthur smiles.

"Lie down on your front," he says and gets up to hunt around in his cupboard for the lotion the football coach gave him to massage his arms and legs with. Arthur can never be bothered to do it for himself but he figures it could come in handy now.

He squirts some onto his hands and then begins rubbing it into Merlin's back. He's a bit of dab hand at massages, and it's not long before Merlin's breathing evens out.

"Wow, that's really- wow, Arthur," he breathes.

"I'm a man of many talents," Arthur says smugly.

"Pity one of them isn't catching your partner before he falls off the bed."

Arthur snorts.

"Am I allowed to laugh about it yet? Because that was pretty hilarious."

"No you are not!"

"You should have seen your face as you went down. Arms wind-milling like you were trying to take flight."

"Bastard," Merlin says sulkily, but Arthur keeps on rubbing his shoulders until Merlin exhales contentedly, stress almost visibly draining away. All in all, Arthur considers it a job well done

~III~

The fourth time is possibly the most infuriating.

It's meant to be a celebration, Merlin having taken a three hour Philosophy exam that day that he'd been worrying about for weeks on end. Arthur comes by his room with a nice bottle of wine (okay, a nice-ish bottle of wine, he is a student after all) and they toast to Merlin's potential success.

"I don't really care if I failed at this point, I'm just so glad it's over. All I wanna do is sleep all weekend."

"Later," Arthur says suavely. "I want to reward you for all your hard work first."

Merlin giggles when Arthur picks him up and carries him bridal style to the bed. He starts by lavishing kisses on every inch of Merlin's body and Merlin sighs in pleasure.

"God, I feel so relaxed," he murmurs, and he's soft and pliant in Arthur's hands as Arthur slips his fingers inside him. When Merlin's good and ready, Arthur turns him on his stomach and presses another set of kisses to Merlin's back before slicking himself up and easing inside.

Merlin's head is buried in the pillow as Arthur smoothly thrusts in and out. It's one of those times when their bodies just seem to meld together perfectly, as though they were made to slot inside each other like… well, not Lego but something like that. Lego for adults. Sexy Lego, if such a thing were possible.

Arthur's so lost in the moment that he barely registers the strange noise that Merlin's making. It's sort of like… is Merlin purring? Has Arthur transported him to some transcendental level of arousal where his lover becomes feline in his appreciation?

"You like that, do you?" He says cockily, because surely making someone purr with happiness is a sign that you're nigh on achieving official Sex God status.

Merlin doesn't answer. Which isn't totally unusual because Merlin's always complaining that Arthur does dirty talk like a porn star, and he refuses to participate in Arthur's ridiculous ego trips.

But then Arthur leans in to press a kiss to Merlin's cheek and he realises exactly what that strange sound is.

Merlin's not purring.

He's snoring.

He's fucking fallen asleep.

"Merlin!" Arthur yelps in what is definitely a manly and not at all whiny tone.

Merlin's head jerks up.

"Wha-?"

"Nice nap?" Arthur hisses furiously.

"Eh?" Merlin says blearily.

"You fell asleep!"

"What? No, course I didn't. I was just resting my eyes."

"Unbelievable!" Arthur says, pulling out his rapidly softening cock. "I'm up here giving it my all and you decide it's time for a snooze!"

"I'm sorry, okay? I said I was tired but you wanted to do it anyway!"

"Well I didn't realise I was sticking it to Rip Van Winkle! Could you not have waited five minutes?"

Merlin rolls over to look at him, blinking sleepily and looking irritatingly adorable. Well Arthur's not falling for that, no siree. If he wanted a partner falling asleep on him in bed, he'd be dating his eighty year old Economics professor Dr Kilgarrah.

"I'm sorry, baby. Really. I didn't mean to. Let me make it up to you."

"I'm not sure you can," Arthur sniffs.

"Let me try," Merlin says in that low voice that always does funny things to Arthur's stomach.

Arthur shrugs petulantly but he lets Merlin push him on his back and get on top on him. Merlin begins licking down his chest, slowly advancing towards his sadly neglected cock. Which predictably makes a miraculous recovery, because it has far less pride than Arthur himself, and no real capacity to hold a grudge.

Still. An apology is an apology. Arthur settles back onto the pillow, enjoying the pleasurable sensation spreading through him as his lover nuzzles at his crotch. He adores the way Merlin gives blowjobs, taking his sweet time about it, planting kisses down Arthur's happy trail and gently licking the head or caressing his balls before he actually puts his mouth to work. Now is no exception, Merlin seems to be resting his head on the side of Arthur's thigh so his tongue can dart out and lick at the side of his shaft.

Then Merlin stops licking and Arthur tenses in anticipation because he loves this bit, the part where Merlin stops touching him completely, makes him wait until Arthur's almost bucking his hips in frustration before suddenly sucking him down in one go.

He waits. And waits. And waits.

Then he hears a familiar purring sound and lifts his head to see Merlin peacefully snoozing against his thigh.

That is it. He is so getting Dr Kilgarrah's number.

~III~

The time Arthur ruins sex starts out alright.

It's the final night before their first year ends and they've been out to the pub together. Drunkenly they stumble back to Arthur's room; eager to make the most of what will surely be their last night together in a long while.

Or perhaps forever. Arthur is painfully aware of the fact that they've made no commitment to each other. They're both moving into separate houses off campus next year, and although they're only a fifteen minute walk apart, it won't be the same as living right next door to each other. As the work piles on in second year, as they form closer bonds with their housemates and meet new people, Arthur can easily imagine the two of them drifting apart.

He tells himself he doesn't mind. It's a natural part of university life. The friends you make in your first year aren't always the ones you stick with throughout. He and Merlin are different in so many ways; the main thing they've had in common all this time is a mutual attraction and a convenient proximity. It's probably not enough to hang a future on. He can already picture passing Merlin by on campus every once in a while; them exchanging a few words, promising to go for a drink sometime but never getting around to it.

The thought upsets him and he doesn't know why so he pushes it out of his mind. It's not like Merlin's said anything about it, so he can only assume he's alone in feeling sentimental. He's being stupid, anyway, he knows he is. People move on, that's how it is.

Still, he can't help but cling a little harder to Merlin as they make their way over to his bed. They kiss deeply for a while, lying side by side, then undress each other slowly. Arthur tries to memorise the way Merlin looks, the exact blue of his eyes, the sweep of his hair, the scar on his shoulder. If it's the last time, he wants to savour it, remember it.

Merlin looks up at Arthur as he pushes into him slowly, and Arthur suddenly feels overwhelmed by the look in Merlin's eyes. He drops his gaze, horrified to realise that tears are pricking at his eyes. This is so stupid, he's just drunk and over-emotional, it's the end of term and he's getting worked up over nothing. He carries on thrusting, hoping that Merlin hasn't noticed, but there's a hand caressing his cheek and a soft voice saying "Arthur, what's wrong?"

He shakes his head, trying to maintain his momentum, but one treacherous tear has already trickled out and Merlin's far too close to miss it.

"Baby, what's the matter?"

Merlin only calls him baby when he's apologising for something, or when he's mocking Arthur's pornographic dirty talk. But this time, it sounds like the term of endearment it is and it tips Arthur right over the edge.

He pulls out and starts to cry in earnest, tears falling faster than he can scrub them off his face. And it's so utterly embarrassing, but he can't stop for anything. Merlin sits up beside him and wraps him arms around him, rocking him gently.

It's a good few minutes before Arthur can finally pull himself together, and he's aware he must look a right state.

"Sorry about-" he mumbles, gesturing to the bed where their latest coitus interruptus has occurred.

Merlin waves his hand.

"It doesn't matter. I want to know why you're upset."

"I don't know," Arthur says, which is a lie. He may be drunk and he may be over-emotional but that's not all there is to it. He's upset because… because it might be over with Merlin now and he doesn't want that. He doesn't want that at all.

But he can't just come out and say that. He can't. They're fuck buddies, that's all they are, and he's pretty sure Merlin's happy with that. If he lays it all on the line now, and Merlin rejects him, he doesn't know what he'll do.

Will you be any more miserable than you are now? a little voice in his head asks.

It's a point. It's a very good point. And Arthur may be many things, but he's never thought of himself as a coward.

Time to put it all out there. Arthur turns to face Merlin.

"Merlin, I've come to realise that I care about you very much over this past year, and I'd like you to do me the honour of becoming my boyfriend," is what he intends to say.

"I don't wanna lose my sex Lego partner," is what comes out.

Merlin understandably looks a bit confused.

"Sorry, what?"

Arthur has another go.

"Look, I like you, okay? And I know we've just been messing around and you're probably not interested in anything more but I think we could be good together. Like, as boyfriends. If you wanted to."

He's got a major case of marble mouth and he's not sure what he said even makes sense but he hopes Merlin gets the gist.

There's no reply for a moment and he doesn't dare look up from his lap, then he feels a hand take his.

"I want to," Merlin says simply.

There's a funny sort of noise inside Arthur's head, like a million party poppers going off at once.

"Really?" he says and Merlin smiles wide.

"Allow me to answer that with a kiss," he says.

Their second attempt at making love that night is much more successful. Afterwards, they lie entwined together, talking about their plans for the summer.

"So my dad's away on a business trip for basically the whole of July," Arthur says casually. "I'm gonna be pretty bored in the house by myself."

"I suppose I could come and keep you company," Merlin muses. "Out of the goodness of my heart."

"I'd expect nothing less from my boyfriend," Arthur says, and feels a rush of joy spreading through him.

It's on the very last day of July that Uther comes home two hours early and walks in on Merlin rimming Arthur on the sofa. But Arthur doesn't know that yet and ignorance is bliss.

~III~

Thanks for reading!


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